Ways To Increase Your Self-Confidence

By Ollie M. Buhr


Not many people are aware of how much impact low self esteem can have on a person's life. Having low self worth can greatly decrease the quality of your life in general--it can stop you from building healthy and happy relationships; it can rob you of a stable and fulfilling career and can put you at risk of developing behavioral and mental illnesses. I personally have experienced some of these consequences; in fact, they were what made me decide to look for a way to improve my self esteem.

Like it or not - first impressions do count. So stand tall and practise good posture. Imagine that you're being pulled by a string going all the way from your toes to the top of your head. And whenever you enter a room, don't walk in almost apologetically. Stride in, make eye contact and be the first to introduce yourself.Get involved in a physical activity - walking, swimming, etc.Any physical exercise like walking, running, dancing, etc. will make you feel better about yourself. Firstly, exercising releases all those good hormones and then your body image will improve the fitter you get.

Wear clothes that fit you correctly.In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to disguise my body flaws by wearing baggy clothes. Have you? The truth is that wearing ill-fitting clothes only serves to accentuate the very areas you're trying to cover up. Those big, baggy T-shirts don't do any favours for most women. In fact, they make you look even bigger.Sometimes we squeeze ourselves into a pair of jeans (in the correct size) but they look terrible because of the cut. It is much better to buy a larger size and be comfortable. It's the fit not the size that matters.Be kind to yourself.Think about the things you tell yourself when you make a mistake. Would you say those same things to your friends? Probably not. When we make mistakes, we are often very hard on ourselves. Yet we treat other people much, much better. Next time this happens, stop and start talking to yourself as you would talk to a friend.Remind yourself often of your good qualities.Do you know what your best qualities are? Are you kind and compassionate? Do you treat people fairly? Are you a friendly person? Do you like to help people?

Unfortunately a small article can't do justice on the wide spectrum of creating a positive aura and developing a charismatic personality. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale's new book "The Power of Charisma".Men's sense of self is more often tied to abilities, they are more into what they can do. Whereas a woman can get a quick boost from a personal compliment, for a man, a compliment about a skill or talent is likely to lead to that same boost quicker. Please don't mistake this to mean that men are not in tune with their inner selves, because many of them are. Many men have gone through the process of exploring the depth of their souls and come to appreciate who they are greatly. For those men, being able to see, appreciate and acknowledge that inner peace and confidence in him can go a long way. Of-course that would in most cases require knowing this person on deeper level and taking time to see those innermost qualities.

Keep learning new skills.Aside from keeping your mind sharp (and preventing Alzheimer's), be a life-long learner. I'm not necessarily talking about formal education.What's stopping you from learning a new language, taking a dance class, learning some new computer skills, taking up blogging, etc. Learning will improve your confidence by leaps and bounds.Take the time to reach out to other people through community programmes, etc.If ever you feel down, there's no better upper than helping other people. Volunteer your services at a children's orphanage or an old aged home.My challenge to you is this - next time you eat out at a restaurant, instead of sending half your meal back to the kitchen, get a doggie bag and give it to the beggar on the nearest corner. His appreciation will melt the hardest of hearts.Learn to stand up for yourself.Your soul dies a tiny little bit every time you keep quiet when you should speak up for yourself. Being a doormat is not attractive and will get you nowhere in the long run.If haven't had much practice before, start with small things. Insist on low-fat milk in your coffee. Return the milk that went sour before the due date. Write a letter of complain if you get bad customer service. And only when you're feeling more confident, then tackle bigger issues like speaking to your boss about overloading you with work or your friends about relationship issues.

As a personal development coach, I have worked with many individuals to increase self-esteem and self-acceptance. The following 10 tips have proven time and again to improve self-confidence for a wide variety of people.Clothes Make the Man and Woman. Yes, it's an old cliche', but that doesn't make it any less true. When we dress confidently, we feel confident.This one is simple change can dramatically improve self-confidence.

Stop Trying so Hard. Improving confidence should not be about struggling. Give up trying to be a perfectionist, and give yourself permission to be a human being who will naturally make mistakes sometimes. A sure-fire way to feel inferior is to set the bar too high in every area of your life. Cut yourself some slack -- you deserve it.Focus Your Attention Outward. Lack of confidence often causes people to focus an inordinate amount of attention inward, on the "self." Make it a point to focus more attention on others than you do on yourself. Remember, confident people focus outward -- insecure people focus inward.

If you see negative TV or read a newspapers about murder events and the ugly things of everyday life then you will be cynical and pessimistic. If you read books and listen to positive programs you will absorb and enjoy better vibes every day.Associate yourself with good and positive people. Your self-esteem suffers when you surround yourself with negative people who criticize you or make you feel bad. On the other hand, when you feel accepted and motivated then you feel much better about yourself and your self-esteem grows in a positive environment that makes you feel at ease.Make a list of your personal success. Write down everything you've done that make you feel proud of yourself, this can range from having learned to skate, to graduation from college, having received an award or a promotion at work, successes, reaching a business goal, etc..Read this list often and when you read close your eyes and recreate those feelings of satisfaction and pride you felt when you achieved such success.

Make a list of your positive qualities. Are you an honest person? Do you like to share? You like to help and cooperate? Are you creative? Athletic? Be generous with yourself and write at least 20 positive characteristics about yourself. It is also important that the brush up frequently.Many people give in to their shortcomings and wonder constantly because their lives are not working the way they expected. Start focusing on your skills, live sure of yourself and then you have a better chance of getting things in life that you both want and deserve.

It is true that actions do speak louder than words, but words can also be very powerful. As a therapist, when working with children who were aggressive and getting into fights, I remember teaching them this statement "hands are for helping, not for hurting". They would memorize it and eventually we got to where they would say it either out loud or just think it when they were angry and wanted to hit someone. This technique took time but once mastered had a good success rate. Adults do get into the physical altercations as much but they can be hurtful with their words. Sometimes it is out of anger or just a purely unintentional slip, but once the words are out they cannot be put back in. The best measure is place a filter between the thought and the verbalization.Try this exercise that can be used with anyone in your life. When you get ready to say something take a moment to evaluate the potential impact of the words you are going to say. As you do this you will remind yourself "words are for helping, not for hurting". If you find that the words you were ready to utter are not going to help the person, take a second to find a more positive response before you speak. Use words to empower him. The intent should always be to build him back up, not bring him further down.




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