When couples struggle to survive an affair, they may choose therapy as a choice. Initially there is relief because they feel as though the specialist understands their frustration and can honestly provide them with help. What may very well surprise them , however, is the sensation that they are moving two steps forward and one step back.
Leaving a session may make them feel as though they have the tools and are headed straight for success, only to be sidelined for days by unexpected emotional turmoil. This phenomenon has been called a roller coaster, but might be more accurately described as a dance with anger. When the partners arrive for treatment, what they might not get is that three people actually show up for the appointment. Just two wear skin, but the third is quite as real and influential: anger.
Researchers are only now recognizing the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms, including anger, which the tricked partner experiences following the discovery of an affair. The wrath may be displayed through anger outbursts or hidden away, however it is usually at work impacting the direction care will take. Will the therapist help the partners talk about the factors that made the marriage ripe for the affair, or will the focus be on the pain experienced by the betrayed member of the relationship? Anger will decide.
The betraying member of the relationship may not be able to identify her very own anger in the first sessions because she might be working really tough to continue managing anger and not further offend the partner she deceived. By turning a blind eye to her anger however, she is now not coping with anger. In ignoring anger, she ignores the disappointment, disapproval, and acrimony that led straight to her to justifying, minimizing, and executing a successful affair. If the therapist fails to recognize her anger in session, he may leave her in the same emotionally charged situation.
In recovery from cheating, outrage must be identified and met head on by all participators in therapy. Ignoring angriness does not make it go; it only makes it a more powerful dance partner.
Leaving a session may make them feel as though they have the tools and are headed straight for success, only to be sidelined for days by unexpected emotional turmoil. This phenomenon has been called a roller coaster, but might be more accurately described as a dance with anger. When the partners arrive for treatment, what they might not get is that three people actually show up for the appointment. Just two wear skin, but the third is quite as real and influential: anger.
Researchers are only now recognizing the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms, including anger, which the tricked partner experiences following the discovery of an affair. The wrath may be displayed through anger outbursts or hidden away, however it is usually at work impacting the direction care will take. Will the therapist help the partners talk about the factors that made the marriage ripe for the affair, or will the focus be on the pain experienced by the betrayed member of the relationship? Anger will decide.
The betraying member of the relationship may not be able to identify her very own anger in the first sessions because she might be working really tough to continue managing anger and not further offend the partner she deceived. By turning a blind eye to her anger however, she is now not coping with anger. In ignoring anger, she ignores the disappointment, disapproval, and acrimony that led straight to her to justifying, minimizing, and executing a successful affair. If the therapist fails to recognize her anger in session, he may leave her in the same emotionally charged situation.
In recovery from cheating, outrage must be identified and met head on by all participators in therapy. Ignoring angriness does not make it go; it only makes it a more powerful dance partner.
About the Author:
Dr. Kate Walker is a licensed professional counselor in the Woodlands, Texas. Her article goes over coping with anger and managing anger when counseling couples that are dealing with adultery.
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